CH14: Blame (lblander story)

Zevran sat rubbing his eyes as his mind wandered. It had been a long time since she had even crossed his mind. Typically he kept himself too busy to think back to the past, they were just old scars afterall. But to see her again… and to see what she had become.

It’s my fault… he thought as he saw the deep bruises, the scar that marred her face in the back of his eyelids. He never would have thought the day would come when he would set eyes on her again. Part of him didn’t want to. Part of him was comforted by the thought that she was most likely dead by now, but to see her alive was no relief… it was worse than he imagined.

Quickly he turned as he heard the knock on the door to see a woman walk in with armor in her hands. Braska he thought to himself as he remembered having her armor being taken to be cleaned. Well, it’s an excuse to see her at least he thought as he thanked the woman as he looked down at her armor. Practicality wasn’t on Danarius’ mind when he had her armor designed. Judging by her looks, either she has become very skilled or she relies on her speed and stealth to get by…he figured, but the one thing he knew was that Danarius hadn’t been good to her. Her skin had lost the subtle glow it once had from the Antivan sun, and she was lean… but not from training he gathered.

Shaking his head, he wrapped her armor in a thick blanket and followed her lead out his window. She chose to go out into the cold rather than to stay with me? Zevran thought as the night’s cold breeze hit his skin. Shaking his head, he walked out of the back alley and headed back out towards the docks as his mind drifted back to the memories he had buried somewhere in the darker regions of his mind.

The weight of her armor in his arms was nothing compared to how he felt carrying her home. She wasn’t heavy by any means, but the guilt that surged through him weighted down his heart, stealing his strength. There was nothing that would console him as he watched over her as she slept. For three days he sat by her side, feeding the fire, changing the bandages around her neck and she had barely moved. The only reasons she moved was when he moved her to prevent her body from becoming too sore.

The sudden jolt stirred his thoughts as he looked down to see the step he had stepped down to. Shaking his head, he scolded himself for being so distracted. The salty air of the sea almost sent a chill through him as he walked edown the steps to the docks. For a moment he stood, looking out over the sea. Listening to the waves as they splashed up onto the docks.

Before he knew it, he was standing at the end of the pier looking out to the turbulent sea. He closed his eyes as he remembered watching her sleep. He remembered all to clearly the way she would flinch in her restless sleep. He imagined that her mind was going over everything she had been through, and it broke his cold heart to know she was suffering all over again because of him.

It wasn’t until late on the fourth night that she had finally opened her eyes and taken a deep breath of life. The sound turned his blood to ice as he heard the rasp of her breath coming from her weakened throat.

“Zev…”

He barely recognized her voice. It was no longer the soft sound that he remembered. His name came out scratchy, spoken as if it was meant as a last word before someone’s last breath not the sound of someone on the mend.

“Zev…”

“Hush, my friend… You’re okay… but your throat is still very weak,”

“Cold”

Her skin felt like ice as he lifted her from her bed and carried her over to the fire. He could feel the way she trembled in his arms. Without a word he moved around her home picking up anything that would comfort her. Extra blankets pillows. By the time he had brought over the blankets and pillows she had moved herself even closer to the fire and her eyes were already closed.

“Zev,” she called as he covered her with the heavy blankets and carefully lifted her head.

“Do not speak my dear, your injuries are still too fresh,” Zevran warned as he laid her head back onto the pillows. “I have some poultices… do you think you could take them?” he asked as he took his pack from the table.

He watched as she slowly nodded. Looking down he could see the muscles in her arms work, but she didn’t move. He had no idea she would be so weak after receiving as much healing as she did.

“Here…” Zevran offered softly as he set his pack on the floor beside her.

Slowly he sat down behind her as he carefully lifted her from the ground as he pulled himself to her, keeping his legs bent up on either side of her hips. He could hear the frustration in her goran as he settled her onto his chest.

“I know… you don’t want my help,” he sighed as he dug through his pack for the poultices. “But you need it for now,” he added as he rested his hand on her stomach pulling her back into his chest.

He couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips when she turned away from the vial he held to her lips.

“My dear, you need to drink… I know it tastes of swill, but you will feel much better after taking it I assure you,” Zevran offered as he brought the vial back up to her lips. He couldn’t help the way his lips curled up when she crinckled her nose but took the poultice.

Looking down was quite a peculiar sight even for him. Often he had found himself between many women’s legs, but he couldn’t recall a time where he found himself in this position. To look after someone besides himself, was a feeling he wasn’t sure of. It wasn’t long after she had taken the poultice that he felt her relax against his chest. What am I doing? he thought as he leaned back on his arms, giving her a more comfortable angle to sleep.

“You shouldn’t be here…”

“Hmmm?” Zevran hummed as he forced himself to open his eyes, looking over to the bed he had moved her to.

“Zev… you should leave….”

“What?” he questioned, ignoring the aches of his body as he pushed himself forward to the edge of the chair.

“If.. If they find you here… they…”

“They will die,” Zevran finished coldly.